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written by eye-liner-lover

literature by lollirotcat

Literature by fromXchiyoXtoXsayuri

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Submitted on
December 25, 2009
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2,985 (1 today)
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"I have trust issues..."
I say as you sit and stare.

"So, what do you mean?"
You ask, not understanding.

I don't know how to explain.
But I try my best.

"I have trouble trusting people."
I slowly say.

You simply say.
As if you understand.

"Well, that's not,
That big of a deal."
You don't understand.

"Yes it is."
I simply say.

"I don't see how that is,
Everyone is like that."
You try to play it down.

"No, you're wrong."
So very wrong.

You don't know what its like,
To be around your friends and familly,
The people you care about.
And not trust them.
Not be able to trust them.
No matter how much you want to.

You don't know what it feels like.
The paranoia, the fear.
The guilt, the pain.
The self-hate, the resentment.

Feel so empty inside.
So isolated from everyone.
Even around many, I feel so alone.

"Why are you like this?"
You ask.

"Because of my past."
I say quietly.

"Your past?"
You want to understand.

"Yes, my trust was abused,
Back when I was younger."

It was ripped apart.
Never want to be like that again.
I was back-stabbed,
So many times.
I can't keep track.
They came in and ruined,
My trust in human kind.
I wasn't like this,
They made me this.
I want to trust.
But I can't.
I could get hurt again.
I might get hurt again.
I would get hurt again.

Trust leads to nothing,
But pain and misery.
I learned that the hard way.
Trust broke my soul.
Trust shattered my heart.
Trust ruined my life.

So I won't open myself up to that.
Not again, not ever.
But I lied.
I want to trust.
I really do.
I can trust.
I really can.
But only to some.
Only a few.

"Well, do you trust me?"
You simply ask.

"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Will it change our friendship?"

"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."

I tell you.
You're surprised.
I thought you'd understand.
You didn't.

I told you the truth.
That means I care enough,
Not to lie to you.

You said it would change nothing.
I was willing to trust you.
You lied.

I want to trust you, I really do.

"I have trust issues..."
"So, what do you mean?"
"I have trouble trusting people."
"Oh, well, that's not, that big of a deal."
"Yes it is."
"I don't see how that is, everyone is like that."
"No, you're wrong."
"Why are you like this?"
"Because of my past."
"Your past?"
"Yes, my trust was abused, back when I was younger."
"Well, do you trust me?"
"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Will it change our friendship?"
"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."

I wanted to trust you, I really did.
I have trust issues.
I can trust my online friends.
But I am only able to trust three of my rl friends.

I don't want my other rl friends to know, because I'm scared of what will happen, when they find out I don't trust them. But I really want to. So the end result of that kind of thinking is this. Dunno if other people have this problem. But, whatever, enjoy I guess.
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RTK43 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
This is absolutely beautiful in such a truthful way that it practically hurts. I have had almost this exact conversation with a friend but then we somehow drifted apart when I had thought that we had actually gotten closer. You have a way with words :)
Enma--Ai Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
Yes, its once people say that you can trust them, then they go right ahead and betray you. Thats when it gets even worse. But I dont think i would have the guts to ever tell anyone.
MarikoxChan Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
Just beautiful..
BlackAsMoonlessNight Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I can't belive you told it to someone. I haven't. At least face to face. I'd give everything to be able to let my wounds be seen but I can't like you said I'm afraid people will make them deeper. It's easier thought to speak it like this. To people I'll never meet. This just makes the burden to lift. Thank you so much for encourage.
WafflesxSyrup Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this is matches exacly how I feel. I want so badly to trust people, but I just can't....And I always trust my online friend easisly, unlike the ones I have in rl....This is very beautiful, it feels good to know theres someone out there who feels the same way I do.....:iconsadcryplz:
MarcBrightside Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is really, really good.
Manic-Mania Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student General Artist
I just had a problem with this.
Literally like, three days ago.
I told them all of this.
I told them that I didn't trust them fully after a year. They where heart broken. They told me they can't be with me if I don't trust them. Like the expect me to just grow trust like an amputated limb.
I can't stand how people just don't try to understand issues like that.
It's just... heartless.
/gross sobbing/
JayPhantom Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
I have the same problems with trust like you do, but it's more with family than friends.
NinARinkA Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is exactly how I feel. It feels amazing having my dilemma put down so beautifully! Wow :O
Kittenknowskungfu Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012
This story is completely real for me.I trust no one but my mother and even her I don't tell everything.....................
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