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"I have trust issues..."
I say as you sit and stare.

"So, what do you mean?"
You ask, not understanding.

I don't know how to explain.
But I try my best.

"I have trouble trusting people."
I slowly say.

"Oh."
You simply say.
As if you understand.

"Well, that's not,
That big of a deal."
You don't understand.

"Yes it is."
I simply say.

"I don't see how that is,
Everyone is like that."
You try to play it down.

"No, you're wrong."
So very wrong.

You don't know what its like,
To be around your friends and familly,
The people you care about.
And not trust them.
Not be able to trust them.
No matter how much you want to.

You don't know what it feels like.
The paranoia, the fear.
The guilt, the pain.
The self-hate, the resentment.

Feel so empty inside.
So isolated from everyone.
Even around many, I feel so alone.


"Why are you like this?"
You ask.

"Because of my past."
I say quietly.

"Your past?"
You want to understand.

"Yes, my trust was abused,
Back when I was younger."

Abused?
It was ripped apart.
Never want to be like that again.
I was back-stabbed,
So many times.
I can't keep track.
They came in and ruined,
My trust in human kind.
I wasn't like this,
They made me this.
I want to trust.
But I can't.
I could get hurt again.
I might get hurt again.
I would get hurt again.

Trust leads to nothing,
But pain and misery.
I learned that the hard way.
Trust broke my soul.
Trust shattered my heart.
Trust ruined my life.

So I won't open myself up to that.
Not again, not ever.
But I lied.
I want to trust.
I really do.
I can trust.
I really can.
But only to some.
Only a few.


"Well, do you trust me?"
You simply ask.

"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."

"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."

"Will it change our friendship?"
"Never."

"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."

I tell you.
You're surprised.
I thought you'd understand.
You didn't.

I told you the truth.
That means I care enough,
Not to lie to you.

You said it would change nothing.
I was willing to trust you.
You lied.

I want to trust you, I really do.

"I have trust issues..."
"So, what do you mean?"
"I have trouble trusting people."
"Oh, well, that's not, that big of a deal."
"Yes it is."
"I don't see how that is, everyone is like that."
"No, you're wrong."
"Why are you like this?"
"Because of my past."
"Your past?"
"Yes, my trust was abused, back when I was younger."
"Well, do you trust me?"
"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Will it change our friendship?"
"Never."
"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."

I wanted to trust you, I really did.
I have trust issues.
I can trust my online friends.
But I am only able to trust three of my rl friends.

I don't want my other rl friends to know, because I'm scared of what will happen, when they find out I don't trust them. But I really want to. So the end result of that kind of thinking is this. Dunno if other people have this problem. But, whatever, enjoy I guess.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkuzaridryx:
KuzariDryx Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Completely relating.
Reply
:iconwbc-the-zorgic:
WBC-The-Zorgic Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015  New member
I'm right there with you.  although it's not the fear of being hurt that keeps me away from others.  there would be... well lets just say it would be bad for others than myself if I allowed someone close enough to manipulate me.
Reply
:iconrtk43:
RTK43 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
This is absolutely beautiful in such a truthful way that it practically hurts. I have had almost this exact conversation with a friend but then we somehow drifted apart when I had thought that we had actually gotten closer. You have a way with words :)
Reply
:iconenma--ai:
Enma--Ai Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
Yes, its once people say that you can trust them, then they go right ahead and betray you. Thats when it gets even worse. But I dont think i would have the guts to ever tell anyone.
Reply
:iconmarikoxchan:
MarikoxChan Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
Just beautiful..
Reply
:iconblackasmoonlessnight:
BlackAsMoonlessNight Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I can't belive you told it to someone. I haven't. At least face to face. I'd give everything to be able to let my wounds be seen but I can't like you said I'm afraid people will make them deeper. It's easier thought to speak it like this. To people I'll never meet. This just makes the burden to lift. Thank you so much for encourage.
Reply
:iconwafflesxsyrup:
WafflesxSyrup Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this is amazing....it matches exacly how I feel. I want so badly to trust people, but I just can't....And I always trust my online friend easisly, unlike the ones I have in rl....This is very beautiful, it feels good to know theres someone out there who feels the same way I do.....:iconsadcryplz:
Reply
:iconmarcbrightside:
MarcBrightside Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is really, really good.
Reply
:iconmanic-mania:
Manic-Mania Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student General Artist
I just had a problem with this.
Literally like, three days ago.
I told them all of this.
I told them that I didn't trust them fully after a year. They where heart broken. They told me they can't be with me if I don't trust them. Like the expect me to just grow trust like an amputated limb.
I can't stand how people just don't try to understand issues like that.
It's just... heartless.
/gross sobbing/
:iconcryforeverplz:
Reply
:iconfirephantasma:
FirePhantasma Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
I have the same problems with trust like you do, but it's more with family than friends.
Reply
:iconninarinka:
NinARinkA Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is exactly how I feel. It feels amazing having my dilemma put down so beautifully! Wow :O
Reply
:iconkittenknowskungfu:
Kittenknowskungfu Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012
This story is completely real for me.I trust no one but my mother and even her I don't tell everything.....................
Reply
:iconsexy-arancar:
Sexy-Arancar Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2012  Student Writer
I also have trust issues, I'm glad I'm not the only one
Reply
:iconxxmedicxx:
xXMedicXx Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love you...

i actually was just having this conversation with my boyfriend today just maybe an hour ago..

im trying my very hardest to trust him because i want to..
i want to trust someone

but im so scared..
Reply
:iconeye-liner-lover:
eye-liner-lover Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This really good, i love the way you wrote. I now what its like to feel like this, i use to trust people so much all that has been shattered. Anyway this is amazing and really powerful piece :)
Reply
:iconlunarlover98:
lunarlover98 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011   Artist
this is wonderful work, and i can relate to the trust issue thing. good job.
Reply
:iconyami-joey:
yami-joey Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011  Student General Artist
Mr. RedKaiKen... I understand completely. These days, trustworthy people are endangered species... therefore I trust in God alone, and tell Him my secrets and all the hurt, all the pain that I feel as well. It hurts so much. Too see these people gossiping around and stabbing people--behind their backs at that.
Reply
:iconthedarkestsuicidex:
TheDarkestSuicideX Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I understand this completly and have the same situation. my best friend actually just broke my trust...
Reply
:iconaerinskyfeather:
AerinSkyfeather Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have trust issues.
Whenever I trust someone, they always stab me in the back.
The issue, I can't stop trusting them.
Reply
:iconmaplasian:
Maplasian Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I think i just found a like minded person.
Thank you for putting my life into words. It really is a nice poem
Reply
:iconzombiewonderland:
ZombieWonderland Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
Oh my God you just put into words my whole life.
I wish I could fav this a thousand times over.
Thank you so much for writing this. I really might print this out just to have and to read once in a while.
Reply
:iconpixieburlesque:
pixieburlesque Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010  Student General Artist
i hused to have this problem smtin bad happended 2 me 2 demish the trust i worked through it
Reply
:icontheblackwolfboy:
TheBlackWolfBoy Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010   Writer
Amazing Mate... You read my mind...
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, thank you, glad you liked it :hug:
Reply
:iconmichasan:
MichaSan Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2010
Heh, in my short life I've been betrayed by all the friends I made. I can relate to you; you want to trust someone again, but you're scared of being hurt once more...

In other words, this is a great poem, I really like it~
Reply
:iconrandom-waffles:
random-waffles Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
I'm Constantly reminded of how I want to trust people, but never will because of that stupid incident from my childhood. If your trust issues are anything like mine, then I'm awfully sorry.
Reply
:icondarklove22:
Darklove22 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
This speaks to me.Trust issues. I have them a lot. This is beautiful though. Great job :hug:
Reply
:iconaku--chan:
Aku--chan Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2010
I know this feeling and I can really relate to your poem.

I've been betrayed very often when I was younger, I used to trust people and the way they thanked me was stabbing me with a knife in the back...

Well, I hope you'll find someone you can really, completely trust one day :hug:

I wish that everything goes well for you, take care.
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry that you have been betrayed too. Its hard to go through life having that happen.

I hope you will find someone too :huggle:

And thank you <3
Reply
:iconaku--chan:
Aku--chan Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010
Thank you, I appreciate it :hug: Well yes, but it makes us also stronger, after we have learned to live with the pain, if you ask me.

Thanks so much :aww:

You're very welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconjenniferthefirst:
JenniferTheFirst Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wonderful work! :clap:
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconfloydster:
Floydster Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
I have had that coversation with myself so many times in the past it's not funny. Finding it written down here was scary I know the feeling, i wish i could trust someone...
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow. Sorry to hear that you have trust issues too. I hope we can both over come them :hug:
Reply
:iconfloydster:
Floydster Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2010
Yeah maybe
Reply
:icondarkefantasy27:
darkefantasy27 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010
*huggles* so beautifully written and I can relate so much.
Reply
:iconmez10000:
Mez10000 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2010  Student Writer
Tragically beautiful, it really speaks to me on a personal level.

I have a similar problem - while I still trust people after a relatively short time of knowing them, I seem to always get hurt, and it just makes things harder the next time I met someone. It just gets worse.
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, thank you so much <3

That's what happened to me when I was younger... Now I find it almost impossible to trust people. I hope you will get better and that the people you trust don't hurt you :hug:
Reply
:iconmez10000:
Mez10000 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2010  Student Writer
I hope that you'll be able to trust again too.
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm slowly getting better and opening up more to people, so its a start ^^
Reply
:iconwhitetrash595:
WhiteTrash595 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
i know exactly what you mean by this. All my life I've had trouble trusting anyone around me, not even my closest relatives. So I know exactly where you're coming from with this. My heart goes out to this.
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, thank you so much. And I'm sorry you had trouble trusting too :hug:
Reply
:iconwhitetrash595:
WhiteTrash595 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha it's all good :) Most people aren't worth trusting lol, so I've come to be used to it x]
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol, that I understand x3
Reply
:iconwhitetrash595:
WhiteTrash595 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol well I would think you would xD Me personally, lol I just don't trust most people in general, like. Especially on the east coast where I am haha. People in Virginia are sneaky lil' bastards xD
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow, really? I'm up in Maryland, and I just think we got the sneaky politicians to deal with >.<
Reply
:iconwhitetrash595:
WhiteTrash595 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol you're close to me haha. I don't really have any politicians around my area haha, just a bunch of white trash and niggers hahaha but you didn't hear me say that x] So on that note, makes sense why it is hard to trust anyone around here xD I can't even DATE down here lol. The women here are ignorant as hell haha. Can't stand it
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe, yep yep. Nope, I didn't hear a thing -.^ lol. Oh wow, I'm sure you'll run into someone that's okay.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjarjarbins:
JarjarBins Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2009
I don't trust you.
Reply
:iconredkaiken:
RedKaiKen Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I understand.
Reply
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